She wonders why he won’t call her back.

May 7th, 2006

“Over spring break I worked with this one guy. Despite our differences (mostly him being a party boy, opposed to the shy, quiet girl that I am), we became pretty good friends. We were comfortable with each other, shared our secrets together, and we occasionally did things outside of work.

There were times when I thought he might really like me, but then there always seemed to be mixed signals and seemed that he only saw me as a friend. I got tired of trying to figure him out, so afterwards I just treated him as a good friend and tried to ignore any questionable signals sent my way, writing the guy off as just a friendly flirt.”

“Because he was only a temp employee, he stopped working last week. I wasn’t worried about never seeing him again because I thought, you know, we’re such good friends and we’ll still hang out and stuff, no worries. So I thought!

I tried calling him twice this week to tell him that he’s missed at work and basically say goodbye because, unfortunately, I wasn’t around on his last day of work. I left 2 voice messages and has he called back? No!

To make matters worse, my boss recently told me that the guy really liked me and was questioning whether he should’ve been more aggressive with pursuing me. And when I told my boss I didn’t realize he liked me, he gave me the “Are you out of your mind”-look. Arg!

And what really upsets me is that recently he visited my boss, just to hang out. My boss lives right near where I live. It would’ve been super easy to just swing by my house and say hi or something. But no. So it’s not like he doesn’t have the time to contact me.

I just don’t get it. I really miss him and I don’t want him to disappear from my life. I also don’t want to call him again because I don’t want to sound like a total stalker.

Why won’t he call me back?”

He says:
I’ll preface this by saying that as long as it’s been since we’ve recieved this message, this situation may have already resolved itself, in which case, great. I hope it came out well. Assuming it hasn’t…

On one hand, he was a temp employee and the job market is currently not exactly… favorable. Or stable. There’s always the possibility that he’s simply looking for work and can’t take the time to get involved. But, on the other hand, he did have time to hang out with your boss.

So… there is really absolutely no way of knowing what’s going on inside this guy’s head. Sounds to me like the best course of action would be to ask your boss. If he won’t speak to you, but he’s hanging out with your boss, your boss would have likely mentioned that he spoke with you about it. And if he has… then your boss will likely know exactly what this guy’s current feelings are. And that, at this point, is all that matters.

She says:
This is a little bit tricky, because your question is extremely time-based and you may have already heard back from your friend… but I’ll try to advise you on what to do just in case.

If you still haven’t heard back from him since you sent this in to us, then I’d say it’s probably safe to give him another call. You have to remember that although he may be out of a job, he’s probably busy trying to find another. There could be a number of reasons why he hasn’t gotten back to you yet, so try to be more patient and give him a bit more time to respond.

You also need to keep in mind that just because you found out he likes you, it doesn’t mean that he’s yours… yet! Your last sentence sounded very desperate, and I can tell that you’re afraid of missing out on the opportunity, but keep your cool. Keep in mind that you two aren’t suddenly dating just because your boss told you that your crush does, in fact, have a thing for you. Nothing has changed between you yet, you are still friends - although perhaps a little more - and while it’s fine to envision the future and look forward to it, the last thing you want to do is become possessive and clingy. A guy can sniff it from a mile away, and they usually tend to run the opposite direction.

So keep your cool, be the friend that he knew when you two worked together and let the pieces fall where they may. If he likes you as much as your boss suggests, your friend will likely be relieved that you took the initiative to call him. Good luck, I hope you hear from him soon!

They say:
Since we both basically said the same thing with our individual advice, we’re going to combine the two and suggest that:

1. If you haven’t heard from your friend yet, give him another call.

2. Since your boss seems to know your friend well, ask about him. You might also want to consider writing him a note or letter and having your boss pass it along to your friend the next time they hang out; this way, you’ll at least know he got your message for sure.

3. Have a little more patience and understanding — losing a job can cause unwanted stress and financial struggles, and your friend may be very busy trying to find another. If this is the case, give him some time to get his stuff together and then try contacting him again.

Entry Filed under: Communication