Ex-boyfriend seems to harbor feelings, but won’t commit to a relationship.

May 7th, 2007

“My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago. He made me feel like he still loved me, but he was 100% sure it was better for us to break up. He made that very clear by saying, “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you right now…I have to forget about you and stop feeling what I feel for you”. I’ve always felt he has been pushing his feelings down, denying them. We haven’t talked for a month and a half. I called him 2 days ago, a little drunk, and after a little chat, in which he demonstrated interest in hearing about my life after all this time, I told him ‘I think I still have feelings for you’…”

“He said ‘I’d rather not say anything back’. I said I could take a bad answer, so asked him if he had feelings for me still and he repeated “I’d rather not answer that question, please” and then we said goodbye and hung up.

I have to mention that he is pretty straight forward, he would literally tell me “I can’t be with you right now” instead of making up excuses.”

He says:

From his responses, it’s pretty clear that he still has feelings for you. What’s wrong with telling the truth, in this case, is that he doesn’t want to give you hope. He can’t tell you he still has feelings for you without reopening the door he’s already closed.

So here’s where you need to stop a moment and think this through. He is pushing back his feelings. Why? Why did you split up in the first place? Was he going to college? Was there another woman? Was he… already married? Think about why he left, and you’ll know why he’s still gone. If you don’t know why, then I think now’s a good time to ask.

Otherwise… sorry, I don’t know what to tell you. Its over, and it sounds like he’s very adamant about keeping it that way. Looking at it from that perspective, does it really matter if he still has feelings for you?

She says:

He may still have feelings for you, but you’re right, he is holding them back. He is trying to keep himself at a distance because he is aware of his affection for you. And yet despite of this, the fact that he seems so determined to not have a relationship with you raises a few eyebrows. He definitely wants this door in his life closed, and having you around keeps it knocking.

Yet, it’s obvious that he cares. He just doesn’t want you to know that, because he’s trying with all his might to leave you behind. Was there another woman, perhaps? Maybe a personal issue that came up?

You never stated his reason for ending the relationship, and if you still don’t know, you deserve some answers. Give him another call, if you wish, and explain that you need closure. If he still refuses you, then he has pretty much sealed the fate of your relationship by walking away, and doesn’t want to fan the flames any further. Respect his wishes, and move on. You’ll both be happier that way.

They say:

From the sound of things, your ex-boyfriend still fancies you, but for whatever reason, doesn’t see a future with you.

You don’t have a lot of choices here, but:

1. You can get on the phone and ask him to explain why he can’t be with you, so that you can move on with your life.

Or…

2. You can keep wondering about this until you are done and okay with moving on without an explanation.

Whatever you choose to do, good luck!

Entry Filed under: Breaking Up / Divorce, Commitment