She took on a second job, but her boyfriend won’t babysit.

April 30th, 2007

“My boyfriend and I live together and I have a two year old daughter from a previous relationship. Money is tight and we have talked about one of us getting a second job for two months to catch up and build a savings for emergencies. Well, I found a second job and asked if he would help watch my daughter in the evenings until she goes to bed, which is about two hours of babysitting time. His response was, “I don’t want to watch her alone.”

“I asked him to explain and he said, “Well, I don’t want to watch her at all… but you can still get a second job if someone else will watch her.” We are a committed couple. We split the bills. And I am going to get a second job for us - isn’t it his obligation to help by watching my daughter?”

He says:

Unfortunately, he’s not neccessarily obligated to do anything. If you were married, if she were his daughter, then yes, as a husband and father, he’d be obligated. In your current situation, it’d just be nice if he did.

That said, he really should be decent about it and watch your daughter while you work. When living together, it’s about compromise. Say he was working and you stayed home all day. You’d have the housework done, right? You’d make dinner? If he stays home while you work, those things fall on him. Neither of you would just lie around drinking beer and watching grass grow, and if you did, the one who’s working wouldn’t just let that slide. It’s the same principle. If he wants to stay home while you work, then he should be watching your daughter. If not, then he should be he one taking on a second job.

Besides, think of it this way: What if you can’t find a parent, friend or other kind soul to watch your child every night for two months? Daycare’s not cheap, and that’ll eat directly into that extra money you’re making. As a result, it might take you twice as long to earn the savings you need.

It’s your call, really. My opinion: if he won’t watch your daughter, let him take on the job.

She says:

Well, he’s not the father… so technically he has no obligation, but I would think that if he loves you both and wants to help create a better life for your family, that he would step up and take on any additional duties. Isn’t that what a man would do?

It could be that he feels uncomfortable with the idea. Perhaps he doesn’t have much experience with caring for children, and is worried about something going wrong while she is in his care. Maybe he thinks kids are annoying, and doesn’t want to have to deal with them on his own. Or perhaps it’s an authority issue, and he doesn’t feel adequate playing a parental role.

Who knows? If I were you, I’d try to find out why he doesn’t want the responsibility and see if you can work around it. If he still won’t bend, try suggesting that he get a second job instead, so that you can take care of your daughter at night. If all else fails, you could find a reliable babysitter or relative to help out. Don’t let him push all the responsibility off on you, though! If he won’t help out with babysitting, he needs to find other ways to be useful.

They say:

No, he’s not obligated to babysit while you take on a second job, but it would be nice if he would step up and take on some kind of extra responsibility. If he won’t babysit, he should be willing to take on the second job instead, so that you can stay home with your child. Discuss the responsibilities with your man and decide what you both need from each other in order to bring that extra money in.

Additionally, you may want to evaluate the kind of person he is. Some people like to get their work done, come home and be able to relax and play with the extra time to themselves. If your boyfriend is that kind of guy, your expectations may be too high and you could see similar problems in the future.

Entry Filed under: Children, Chores & Responsibility, Love & Finances